Byron Katie says suffering is optional.
“I define sanity as a mind that is completely at peace, and mental illness as a mind that is suffering from any kind of stress.
Stress is optional. Suffering is optional. “This is the most amazing piece of good news that ever came my way, and it found me when I was in the depths of despair. I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts about myself, about others, and about life, I suffered, I was truly insane. And when I questioned my stressful thoughts, I didn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie
Buddha says the same thing. Suffering comes from wrong thinking.
Here’s the good news – your pain means you are arguing with the truth (and I believe that the truth is always kind).
So you might say, “Okay. He/she doesn’t love/value/care about me, and that hurts. So all I have to do is be okay with that.”
No, my friend. No. You are still at Z but you need to return to A.
A. Is your premise true? – “(they) don’t love me.”
Be honest – how do you know?
Or is the internal story about your Fantasy of how love looks? So again- are you blinding yourself by something in your mind? Maybe born from a romance movie?
Because if you are running an internal video of what YOU would do to show love, well – sorry, but we may all do it a bit differently.
The conclusion at this point is exciting! A great relief to realize: “I DON’T KNOW.”
B. How do you live your life when you innocently believe that thought (the thought that we now know may just as easily be false)? How do you view yourself when this thought appears? And more, how do you view others in your story? For me, I notice that I shrink. I close inward. I live as though it were true.
C. How would you be, in that moment, with that person/group without those thoughts? When I realize that my story might be false, I experience this overwhelming sense of peace. I might even say, “I love/value/care about you.”
Stick to your truth. It is so much easier.
“I’m so unhappy.”
A. Is it true? What’s my evidence?
I might say, “well, I look on social media and “everyone “ is having more fun than me.”
Can I really know that?
Go ahead. Be honest. How could you really know that?
B. How do I treat me, other’s, my life when I believe that I’m unhappy?
Personally, I feel sorry for myself. I recount all my supposed mistakes. I turn off my phone.
C. How would I live without that thought?
For starters, I might plan a vacation, go for a walk, call or write a friend.
I would live my own best life.