Letting Go…


How do you let go of attachments?  Don’t even try.  Effort creates attachment.  Rather, attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them.”  ~ Eckhart Tolle

1.  The C- concept

When you recognize a quality in the other that was abandoned in yourself, it creates a longing – like a phantom limb. You become mesmerised. When you are attracted to a person, it’s often your “idea” of that person that creates the draw.

I call it you, but in truth, it is my own longing for my lost-self. 

In order to survive our first relationships, we learn to dis-own parts of ourselves that others have disliked. We even forget it was ever a part of our true nature. 

My first clear experience of this was when I met a beautiful woman who was crazy-funny! ..”I wish I could be that free”… In retrospect, she represented an aspect of Self that I had learned to shut down. By hanging out with her, my 1/2 self – hence, the C – felt Whole – like a complete circle – an O

Try this is if your attachment is about a quality in the other: Write about the quality you are attracted to. Ask yourself, is it true that I lack the same aspect? 

2. Compassion Project (to FIX you)

When I resonate with you because I feel your pain, I experience a flooding of MDMA-like chemicals that expand my capacity for loving compassion (read more about mirror-neurons). In truth, I love the way I feel.

It feels like love..

Try this if your attachment is about Compassion

Write everything you love about (the other). Write the advice you would give them, what you want for them.

Now, take your sentences and cross out the other’s name. Replace it with “I, me”.

For example, “I wish you could see how wonderful you are” becomes “I wish I could see how wonderful I am“.

“If only you could see how much I love you” becomes “If only I could see how much I  deserve to love me“. (See Byron Katie’s The Work/”turnarounds“)

We often think we have to FORCE ourselves to make a decision regarding attachments, but it never works. We will be done when we get the message… then we are done.

 What are your experiences? And your thoughts? 

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We Are All Connected

I love the idea of Namasté…

              “The Divine in me recognizes and honors
                                                                                                   the Divine in you”.

There is a definition of God which has been repeated by many philosophers. God is an intelligible sphere—whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere. And the center is right where you’re sitting. And the other one is right where I’m sitting. And each of us is a manifestation of that mystery. That’s a nice mythological realization that sort of gives you a sense of who and what you are.” ~ Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

Although not everyone views Namasté this way – as a deeply spiritual acknowledgment of the soul in one,  by the soul in another – this is how I experience it.

Namasté represents a belief that:

  • The Life Force, the Divinity, the Self or the God, in me, is the same in all living things
  • That we are all made from the same One Divine Consciousness
  • According to one source I came across, a spiritual frequency is generated when two people greet each other with Namasté

    They wrote:

    When a person greets another with the feeling that “I am paying obeisance to the soul in the other”, a ring of spiritual emotion is created within him. Where there is spiritual emotion, there is Communion with God, and one is better able to access the sense of God’s presence. As a result, a ring of spiritual emotion  is created around the person who is being greeted as well. This in turn attracts a flow of the Divine Principle or God’s power. Wherever there is Divine Principle, a flow of Bliss is attracted.”   (Spiritual Research Foundation.org).

    Well, I don’t know about that – but I can sense that it may, in fact, be true…


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    How Get The Most From Your Life!

    Dreaming Into The Life You Want Most

    Will Give You The Most



    What Do You Want In Your Life?

    It might feel a bit uncomfortable to become “conscious”  of what you want the most from life, but Not knowing might land you somewhere else.

    Dreaming Into The Life You Want Most Will Give You The Most!

    The greater the clarity of your dreams, the more likely you’ll make choices along the way that honor your vision. The following instructions will help you get started.

    Ask yourself these questions:

    1. Where do You want to see yourself in 6 month? … 2 years? … 5 years?  Try to visualize yourself in the future.

    Imagine walking into your home five – ten years from now…

    Imagine arriving at your home –  where is it located?  Is it a house, an apartment…?…

    Walk in the front door. Who lives with you?…

    Reflect on your day. What was it like?  If you work, take a moment to dream into it. Or were you doing something else?… were you with friends, family…?

    What will you do in the evening? Again, just imagine the perfect situation.

    2. What are the necessary qualities you will need to achieve this vision?

    If, for example, you see yourself in 5 years with a different career, you may need schooling. If you see yourself as part of a couple, you may need to work on your interpersonal “issues”. If you see yourself as healthy, you may need to give up a bad habits. List a few of the qualities that will help you get there.

    See it to become it!

    If you wrote it Autobiography, What Would the Chapter Titles Be?

    What links your life together?

    Start with ten.  (This is one of the assignments I frequently give my clients.)

    You can choose life events, demographics, influential people you’ve known, talents, even “aHa” moments.

    Mine might be:

    1. Born female, in the USA, to a progressive, liberal mother.
    2. “Abandoned” at four years old (for a year).
    3. Abused by my stepfather, resulting in their divorce.
    4. Moved, age 10, from a middle-class neighborhood to poverty neighborhood. I was suddenly a “minority”.
    5. My mother worked 18 hours a day, so my siblings and I raised ourselves.
    6. Growing Up in the 70’s.
    7. Studied spiritual philosophies, finding an affinity with Christian, Buddhist, and Taoist ideas.
    8. Became a mother of twin boys.
    9. Started my own business as a psychotherapist.
    10. Killed a person in a car accident.

    (Wow! I just did that off the cuff! Very powerful!).

    Next, you fill in the chapters. What about (That) affected you? What characteristics were created because of ________? You might ask yourself:

    • How did ____ influence you?
    • What did you discover about yourself?
    • What did you have to learn to overcome?
    • How did ______ wound you? Strengthen you?
    • Define your gratitude for these occurrences/events

    Using one of mine as an example:

    Yes, I killed a person in a car accident

    • I discovered that life can change – drastically- in an instant. And in THAT particular instant, I didn’t even know it. For a long time, I’d have terrible dreams, I’d have flashes of people appearing in the road before I could do anything about it… I struggled with my connection to God (I’d like to have made it through my life without killing someone).
    • I discovered that I loved and understood myself, even if society didn’t. I confirmed my value of always telling the truth, as I knew it, and that I continue to do what I think is right – even if others disagreed (I wrote to his family against the advice of my attorney, who thought such an act would be misinterpreted as guilt).
    • I had to learn to live with knowing most people would make up stories about me that weren’t true (“she must have known!”, “She must have been drinking!”).  I had to overcome needing people to understand me.
    • I will always have this heavy burden in my soul. 
    • I am grateful for the people in my life that tried to help me. I’m grateful to learn that other peoples  opinions of me no longer affects what I think of me.

       What have been the greatest influences in your life? What ties your life all together?


      How to Live IGNITED!


      “Your beliefs about people – that’s who you believe them to be.

      That’s what’s meant by “no one exists”.

      Because who you believe them to be isn’t who they are. That’s why they don’t exist.

      Instead, you are getting a glimpse of your own ego. And when you meet the power of that, and when the power of that moves to another polarity…you can drop the word power. 

      It’s like living ignited.

      And it’s nothing more than being aware of your internal life, and knowing what’s true, and what’s not. What that leaves is the great surprise. And all you can know about it is its nature, so you begin to live a fearless existence. “

      – Byron Katie, TheWork.com

      “Good To Be Alive Today” 

      Amazing video… Click the link, then read the lyrics HERE

      It’s Good To Be Alive Today!

      “Everyday I wake up and turn my phone on

      I read the news of the day, just as it’s coming down

      I do my best not to let it get me down

      I try to keep my head up, but it’s  Babylon

      This world’s in crisis, we try to fight it, this changing climate

      The scientists and politicians divided by it

      So many ways we could solve it but they would never sign it

      This mountains tumbling down, but still we try to climb it

      It’s in the Torah, Quran and in the Bible

      Love is the message ; But some how we turn to rivals

      It’s come to people always picking up their rifles

      Another school getting shot up; homicidal
      Some people trying to fly, some people trying to get high

      Some people losing their mind, some people trying to get by

      And when you look in my eyes, you see the sign of the times

      We’re all looking for the same thing
      But what if this song’s number one…

      Would it mean that love had won?

      Would it mean that the world was saved?

      And no guns are being drawn today?

      What if everybody had a job?

      And nobody had to break a law?

      What if everyone could say…

      That it’s good to be alive today?
      Oh, Is it good to be alive today?

      Oh… Is it good to be alive today?
      People used to feel safer when they would hear a siren

      Like help is on its way but now they only think of violence

      Another youth in the streets and police are in a conflict

      And now they hear the guns click.

      Ebola crisis and ISIS is taking heads off

      A drone is bombing a village and now the kids all

      Signing up to be soldiers, all willing now

      To do the killing now, now are you willing now?

      Some politicians out there making up some problems

      And trying to tell the people that they can solve them

      With TV shows and soundbites and quotes

      But everybody knows that it’s all about the cash flow

      They telling you and me, they’re making progress

      But tell it to the millions of jobless

      It’s like a players club with billions of dollars

      To get the votes you got to make it rain in congress
      Some people trying to fly, some people trying to get high

      Some people losing their mind, some people trying to get by

      And when you look in my eyes, you see the sign of the times

      We’re all looking for the same thing…
      But what if this song’s number one

      Would it mean that love had won?

      Would it mean that the world was saved?

      And no guns are being drawn today?

      What if everybody had a job?

      And nobody had to break a law?

      What if everyone could say

      That it’s good to be alive today?

      Oh… Is it good to be alive today?…

      And we all say: One day, we all will say
      That it’s good to be alive today

      One day, one day

      One day, one day

      One day, we all will say

      That it’s good to be alive today”


      What People Want

      The Hindu Religion – A brief Introduction and A Developmental Perspective


      The philosophies of the Hindu religion have fascinated me since I read the book by Houston Smith, The Religions of Man”. Being interested in the feelings and attitudes of being human, I am, of course, drawn to the psychological and spiritual development of man.

      “Man Can Have What s/he Wants”

      In terms of psychological and spiritual development, the Hindus believe that there are four stages. They call the first two stages the “Path of Desire”.

      The Hindus wisdom recognizes that nothing can possibly be gained by repressing what we want wholesale, or by pretending that we do not have our desires. And a person doesn’t need to evolve through all four stages in a lifetime (reincarnation takes care of that). A person at age 40 can still be happily driving for pleasure and success, while another person at 40 has moved on to searching for greater meaning in life. No shame in either, and, ideally, no sense of superiority. 

      So what is it that human beings want?

      He begins by wanting pleasure, and India says, “Go for it”. 
      After all, the world holds immense possibilities for enjoyment. It is awash with beauty and heavy with delights for our senses. Wanting pleasure also goes with the avoidance of suffering. Addictions are born here, along with the desire to control our environment, as well as the people in our lives.

      Of course hedonism, like everything else, calls for good sense. Not every impulse can be followed; small immediate goals must be sacrificed for the sake of greater future goals. And our desire for pleasure must be checked if for no other reason than to avoid hurting others or hurting ourselves. Only the inexperienced will lie, steal, or cheat for the sake of pleasure. But as long as the basic rules of decency are observed, you’re free to seek all the pleasure that you want. Far from condemning pleasure, Hindu texts give pointers on how to get the most from it! If Pleasure is what you want, says India, don’t suppress this desire. See instead that it is fulfilled as richly and aesthetically as possible.

      We moved to the second stage when we realize the pleasure isn’t enough. It’s too narrow and trivial to satisfy our full nature. And it always, eventually, loses its luster.

      According to Hindus, people then move to the second great goal of life: The desire for worldly success, with the three aspects being: wealth, fame, and power. Many people feel that satisfaction lasts longer in this stage, for unlike pleasure, success is a social achievement substantially interconnected with the lives of others. In this respect it commands a scope and depth that pleasure alone can’t achieve.

      Certainly, enough worldly success is necessary to sustain society – to care for a family, to participate in social culture, and pay for living quarters and food. But in the end these too are found wanting. With all forms of worldly success, we find the following limitations:

      1. With fame and power, there is constant competition. We can never be certain that our accomplishments will not be overpowered by another competitive person. Security is never reached.
      2. A person can never get enough worldly success. Hindus tell us it’s because they’re not the things that we really want. People can never have enough of what he or she does not really want. As the Hindus say, “to try to extinguish the drive for riches with money is like trying to quench the fire by pouring butterfat over it.” 
      3. The desire for worldly success leads to the eventual realization that it is too small for the hearts search for meaning. In the end everyone asked for more from life than a home in the suburbs, two cars in the garage, and a plush annuity.

      The next two stages are called, “Path of Renunciation. “

      Renunciation to many people seems like a negative, prompted by disillusionment and despair. But what the Hindus mean by renunciation can be quite exhilarating. It’s devoting one’s self to a higher calling, and the existence of values beyond what we can experience in the present. This is not a false renunciation, like those who enter the monastery at 20 something years old because of some personal inadequacies. These are the people who come honestly to the conclusion that the values of the finite are no longer worth living for, and then he/she will believe in the infinite – or die. 

      The third stage is one of duty, it’s passing from the wish to win to the wish to be of service, beyond the wish to gain to the wish to give. 

      As with previous stages, duty yields notable awards, but in the end, fails to satisfy the human heart completely. Faithful performance of duty brings praise and appreciation. More gratifying than this, however, is the self-respect that comes from having done one’s part, having contributed. But in the end even this realization cannot provide joy adequate to our desires, because there is no way to reach perfection.

      Is This All?

      As Simone Weil said, “There is no true good here, that everything that appears to be good in this world is finite, limited, wears out, and once worn out, leaves necessity exposed in all its nakedness.”

      Whether life does or does not hold more is probably the question that divides philosophers more sharply than any other. But the Hindu says, “Yes!” Life holds so much more, but we were answering the question too superficially. Pleasure, success, and duty are never man’s ultimate goals. At best they are the means that we assume will take us in the direction of what we really want. What we really want are things that lie on a deeper level.

      Mans True Desires

      We want to live. We are curious – We want to be aware. We want joy. And we want these things to be limitless, to endure infinitely.

      And now we come to India’s staggering conclusion. Infinite being, infinite awareness and joy are within our reach. Not only are these things within our reach, Hinduism argues they are already inside of us!

      We have the Godhead inside of us that is never exhausted, never dies out, and is without limit in awareness and bliss. This infinite center of every life is what the Hindu calls Brahman,or God.

      The Hindu further says that this eternal is buried under our distractions, false ideas, and self-regarding impulses that comprise our surface being. We need to cleanse the dirt and dust that hides the light of our being so it can point to the infinite center and fully manifest. 

      As in the prior stages, Hindus have massive texts to help us get there.
      That leads to tenants on non-attachment, and a real connection with everything in the cosmos.

      For me, this is where my work as a therapist comes in. Suffering is optional. If we understand our coping mechanisms and why they were created, it’s easier to let them go. Then, as new stressors arise, I teach detachment – from the belief, judgements, or any other misalignment with the reality of love and goodness.