Asking me to change is asking me to hate myself.

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STOP trying to change yourself in order to please others!

Being Sensitive — Being Aware

Society has tipped too far to the left.

1. Political Correctness has created a monster of hatred between people. Remember the good ol’ days 1960-80? We were only required to tell someone if we felt offended. There would be a teaching moment, then we’d go on with our conversation. (Because we believed in free speech). It didn’t have to become “my way is superior to yours.

2. Judgements about people you don’t agree with? Different view points are the mother’s of creation. I’ve noticed the violence when people believe they are superior to another.

3. ESP EXPECTATIONS and Awareness of how we might affect others with our words – Should we know how we affect others? And then when someone fails, it’s okay to ridicule and despise, simply because we think we are superior in our opinions. Isn’t obvious that this is an act of war? Ironic, right?

Yet, if you’ve been on the planet long enough, we know that the “Pendulum Swings” – this is Beautiful because the pendulum will always seek balance.

I’ve noticed that our issues, causes, and sensitivities change from decade to decade; from month to month; from bad day to good day.

If I say something on Wednesday, 2020, and you feel I was inappropriate, then I say it again 2023 and you have zero reaction —- what changed?

Is it any wonder that people are becoming increasingly diagnosed with “social anxiety”?

I recall when I made a conscious decision to stop trying to change myself in order to please others —- Because it was strangling me. I sometimes felt paralyzed. I was exhausted. Not being me was not working. For me at least, it was a lost cause — I always leaked out.

And the virus grew – I didn’t want anyone to have the “wrong impression” of me.

BE HAPPIER.

BE SMARTER.

BE FUNNER.

Be MORE LIKE-ABLE.

When I realized I had become a big ball of self-consciousness and paranoia, and that I was exhausted in every social situation, I went the other way: to Embrace myself; Despite my faults, I wanted to Be as Self-Aware as I could and Open to Feedback. I wanted to interact without a story – Yours or mine. I wanted to be me — despite your judgements.

BTW- I’ll admit, hardly anyone signed up with me about this new plan. (Except for my clients – they paid me to help them get clarity).

I know, however, that I can breathe deeper, sleep better, and feel more like embracing a new day. I know that stifling myself was toxic to me.

Asking me to change is like asking me to die. DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE?

Suffering is Optional

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Byron Katie says suffering is optional.

“I define sanity as a mind that is completely at peace, and mental illness as a mind that is suffering from any kind of stress.

Stress is optional. Suffering is optional. “This is the most amazing piece of good news that ever came my way, and it found me when I was in the depths of despair. I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts about myself, about others, and about life, I suffered, I was truly insane. And when I questioned my stressful thoughts, I didn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

Buddha says the same thing. Suffering comes from wrong thinking.

Here’s the good news – your pain means you are arguing with the truth (and I believe that the truth is always kind).

So you might say, “Okay. He/she doesn’t love/value/care about me, and that hurts. So all I have to do is be okay with that.”

No, my friend. No. You are still at Z but you need to return to A.

A. Is your premise true? – “(they) don’t love me.”

Be honest – how do you know?

Or is the internal story about your Fantasy of how love looks? So again- are you blinding yourself by something in your mind? Maybe born from a romance movie?

Because if you are running an internal video of what YOU would do to show love, well – sorry, but we may all do it a bit differently.

The conclusion at this point is exciting! A great relief to realize: “I DON’T KNOW.”

B. How do you live your life when you innocently believe that thought (the thought that we now know may just as easily be false)? How do you view yourself when this thought appears? And more, how do you view others in your story? For me, I notice that I shrink. I close inward. I live as though it were true.

C. How would you be, in that moment, with that person/group without those thoughts? When I realize that my story might be false, I experience this overwhelming sense of peace. I might even say, “I love/value/care about you.”

Stick to your truth. It is so much easier.

“I’m so unhappy.”

A. Is it true? What’s my evidence?

I might say, “well, I look on social media and “everyone “ is having more fun than me.”

Can I really know that?

Go ahead. Be honest. How could you really know that?

B. How do I treat me, other’s, my life when I believe that I’m unhappy?

Personally, I feel sorry for myself. I recount all my supposed mistakes. I turn off my phone.

C. How would I live without that thought?

For starters, I might plan a vacation, go for a walk, call or write a friend.

I would live my own best life.