Suffering is Optional

Posted on by

Byron Katie says suffering is optional.

“I define sanity as a mind that is completely at peace, and mental illness as a mind that is suffering from any kind of stress.

Stress is optional. Suffering is optional. “This is the most amazing piece of good news that ever came my way, and it found me when I was in the depths of despair. I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts about myself, about others, and about life, I suffered, I was truly insane. And when I questioned my stressful thoughts, I didn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

Buddha says the same thing. Suffering comes from wrong thinking.

Here’s the good news – your pain means you are arguing with the truth (and I believe that the truth is always kind).

So you might say, “Okay. He/she doesn’t love/value/care about me, and that hurts. So all I have to do is be okay with that.”

No, my friend. No. You are still at Z but you need to return to A.

A. Is your premise true? – “(they) don’t love me.”

Be honest – how do you know?

Or is the internal story about your Fantasy of how love looks? So again- are you blinding yourself by something in your mind? Maybe born from a romance movie?

Because if you are running an internal video of what YOU would do to show love, well – sorry, but we may all do it a bit differently.

The conclusion at this point is exciting! A great relief to realize: “I DON’T KNOW.”

B. How do you live your life when you innocently believe that thought (the thought that we now know may just as easily be false)? How do you view yourself when this thought appears? And more, how do you view others in your story? For me, I notice that I shrink. I close inward. I live as though it were true.

C. How would you be, in that moment, with that person/group without those thoughts? When I realize that my story might be false, I experience this overwhelming sense of peace. I might even say, “I love/value/care about you.”

Stick to your truth. It is so much easier.

“I’m so unhappy.”

A. Is it true? What’s my evidence?

I might say, “well, I look on social media and “everyone “ is having more fun than me.”

Can I really know that?

Go ahead. Be honest. How could you really know that?

B. How do I treat me, other’s, my life when I believe that I’m unhappy?

Personally, I feel sorry for myself. I recount all my supposed mistakes. I turn off my phone.

C. How would I live without that thought?

For starters, I might plan a vacation, go for a walk, call or write a friend.

I would live my own best life.

Mind Benders — no. 1

Posted on by

Find A Loop-hole Into The Secrets Of the Unconscious Mind

Exercise no. 1

  • I. Write down everything that bothers you about someone you know.
  • Be petty! (These thoughts are for your eyes only).
  • What about this person upsets you?

    • How would you characterize this person?

  • How should s/he change?
      • Now — simply put your writing aside.

    What you are about to learn is two-fold.

    1. That we actually have no power over anyone else, period .

    2. The place we have power is in becoming our true selves.

    Notice that it was our own mind that chose the words we wrote down about another.

    If we reverse the spotlight now, we can open our awareness to the unconscious mind , thereby learning a great deal about ourselves.

    I want to caution you though — This “window” into the unconscious tends to cause an myriad of responses from the ego: “it’s not me…”,

    … But if you know anything about our “shadow figures“, you know that, once understood , they no longer act as monsters. We only need to meet them with understanding.

    So this exercise is, at first, a leap of faith. Yet, I promise you, after a few discoveries, we become friends with these mistaken monsters, and can actually learn to respect them in assisting your own personal growth.

    II. Find a time in your day when you can spend a moment with yourself. Get as relaxed, mentally, physically, and emotionally, as you can.

    • Read the paper you wrote about the person you are upset with.
    • Shift the pronouns. YOU becomes ME, and vice-versa.
    • Sit with this new idea. Can you find the truth in it?

    EXAMPLE

    Me and The Old Hag Archetype

    When I was going through my divorce, with 6 year old twins, I sometimes felt such anger and even had visions of violence: like ripping up old love letters that I found while trying to box up His verses My personal stuff. These feelings, which felt overwhelming during each episode, were entirely foreign to me. I didn’t want to claim this “ugly, horrible” side of myself — if it even was myself…. (but seriously, who else could it be?)

    So I researched the Old Hag Archetype.
    “She is the figure in myth of the evil woman who is capable of stealing peace from the innocent. In each historical portrayal, she is uniquely terrifying and at the same time, remains a universal symbol of woman’s unconquerable power.She is thought to arise during traumatic events or severe disruptions in life.”
    Well, that made sense. My divorce was very traumatic to me – my “Perfect Life” was in shambles and I was so-so afraid of the future I would have to endure.

    Somehow I needed the strength she represented, to move forward despite my fears. She said, “Don’t cross me! I’ll kick your a@!”

    Yet, my best bet was to be-friend her… to “use” her so I wouldn’t collapse in it all. I needed, however to keep her in check.

    “I hate my ex” becomes “I hate me” … ? … for failing my family.

    Ok. That makes sense. … but, can I forgive me, too?

    “I need to destroy my idea that we had a good marriage” became, “I need to embrace my idea that we had a good marriage, but it’s over.”

    I felt calmed by that statement. At least it wasn’t unusual, right? Many people decide that they don’t want to stay in stagnant lives, even though it was, at one time, thriving.

    So I invite you to try this exercise. Let me know how it goes!