Asking me to change is asking me to hate myself.

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STOP trying to change yourself in order to please others!

Being Sensitive — Being Aware

Society has tipped too far to the left.

1. Political Correctness has created a monster of hatred between people. Remember the good ol’ days 1960-80? We were only required to tell someone if we felt offended. There would be a teaching moment, then we’d go on with our conversation. (Because we believed in free speech). It didn’t have to become “my way is superior to yours.

2. Judgements about people you don’t agree with? Different view points are the mother’s of creation. I’ve noticed the violence when people believe they are superior to another.

3. ESP EXPECTATIONS and Awareness of how we might affect others with our words – Should we know how we affect others? And then when someone fails, it’s okay to ridicule and despise, simply because we think we are superior in our opinions. Isn’t obvious that this is an act of war? Ironic, right?

Yet, if you’ve been on the planet long enough, we know that the “Pendulum Swings” – this is Beautiful because the pendulum will always seek balance.

I’ve noticed that our issues, causes, and sensitivities change from decade to decade; from month to month; from bad day to good day.

If I say something on Wednesday, 2020, and you feel I was inappropriate, then I say it again 2023 and you have zero reaction —- what changed?

Is it any wonder that people are becoming increasingly diagnosed with “social anxiety”?

I recall when I made a conscious decision to stop trying to change myself in order to please others —- Because it was strangling me. I sometimes felt paralyzed. I was exhausted. Not being me was not working. For me at least, it was a lost cause — I always leaked out.

And the virus grew – I didn’t want anyone to have the “wrong impression” of me.

BE HAPPIER.

BE SMARTER.

BE FUNNER.

Be MORE LIKE-ABLE.

When I realized I had become a big ball of self-consciousness and paranoia, and that I was exhausted in every social situation, I went the other way: to Embrace myself; Despite my faults, I wanted to Be as Self-Aware as I could and Open to Feedback. I wanted to interact without a story – Yours or mine. I wanted to be me — despite your judgements.

BTW- I’ll admit, hardly anyone signed up with me about this new plan. (Except for my clients – they paid me to help them get clarity).

I know, however, that I can breathe deeper, sleep better, and feel more like embracing a new day. I know that stifling myself was toxic to me.

Asking me to change is like asking me to die. DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE?

How to Stop Suffering

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Imagine having the power to never experience suffering.

A modern day Guru of mine, Byron Katie, put it like this:

“I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts about myself, about others, and about life, I suffered, I was truly insane. And when I questioned my stressful thoughts, I didn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

So all I have to do —- is be okay with it… Right? No – please keep reading.

The Buddha said that Life is full of suffering, but that there is a cure — one aspects of the cure is right thinking.

Here’s the good news – Your pain means you are arguing with the truth.

There are many different paths to peace. This method challenges your thinking and beliefs. By discovering the truth, you will end your own suffering.

Many people feel uneasy about examining their inner selves, fearing that learning the truth may somehow hurt them.

However, I have a secret…

The truth is always kind.

If what you find isn’t kind, then you haven’t found the truth yet.

Byron Katie says suffering is optional.

“Stress is optional. Suffering is optional. This is the most amazing piece of good news that ever came my way, and it found me when I was in the depths of despair.” ~ Byron Katie

Here is an example of the choice to not suffer:

Let’s say you become aware that you’re feeling down. You respectfully check in with your thought process and hear,

“She doesn’t love, value, or care about me, and that hurts.”

So all I have to do —- is be okay with that. Right?

No. Not so fast. Besides — don’t you know by now that denial only works for a little while?

Let’s be gentle about our inquiry.

Ask yourself. Be honest – how do you know?

Is it true or is this your internal story about how love should look? Are you blinding yourself to what is in front of you because of some story in your mind — possibly born from a romance movie?

Many of us have an internal video of what we would do in various future situations. In this case, show love. Chances are pretty good that your internal VIDEO will be markedly different than mine.

How would you be, in this moment, with that person without the thought?:

“She doesn’t love, value, or care about me, and that hurts.”

Spend some time in this new story. WITHOUT the thought. How does it feel different? (P.S. – it doesn’t have to feel different. )

When I realize that my story might be false, I experience this overwhelming sense of peace. I might even say, “I get another chance to figure this one out”.

How do you live your life when you innocently believe that thought (the thought that we now know may just as easily be false)?

How do you view yourself when this thought appears? How do you view others in your story?

For me, I notice that I shrink. Everything about me tries to go inward and disappear. I’m not interested in others, either.

Stick to your truth. It is so much easier.

It can be a great relief to realize: “I DON’T KNOW.”

Namaste 🙏