How to Stop Suffering

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Imagine having the power to never experience suffering.

A modern day Guru of mine, Byron Katie, put it like this:

“I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts about myself, about others, and about life, I suffered, I was truly insane. And when I questioned my stressful thoughts, I didn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

So all I have to do —- is be okay with it… Right? No – please keep reading.

The Buddha said that Life is full of suffering, but that there is a cure — one aspects of the cure is right thinking.

Here’s the good news – Your pain means you are arguing with the truth.

There are many different paths to peace. This method challenges your thinking and beliefs. By discovering the truth, you will end your own suffering.

Many people feel uneasy about examining their inner selves, fearing that learning the truth may somehow hurt them.

However, I have a secret…

The truth is always kind.

If what you find isn’t kind, then you haven’t found the truth yet.

Byron Katie says suffering is optional.

“Stress is optional. Suffering is optional. This is the most amazing piece of good news that ever came my way, and it found me when I was in the depths of despair.” ~ Byron Katie

Here is an example of the choice to not suffer:

Let’s say you become aware that you’re feeling down. You respectfully check in with your thought process and hear,

“She doesn’t love, value, or care about me, and that hurts.”

So all I have to do —- is be okay with that. Right?

No. Not so fast. Besides — don’t you know by now that denial only works for a little while?

Let’s be gentle about our inquiry.

Ask yourself. Be honest – how do you know?

Is it true or is this your internal story about how love should look? Are you blinding yourself to what is in front of you because of some story in your mind — possibly born from a romance movie?

Many of us have an internal video of what we would do in various future situations. In this case, show love. Chances are pretty good that your internal VIDEO will be markedly different than mine.

How would you be, in this moment, with that person without the thought?:

“She doesn’t love, value, or care about me, and that hurts.”

Spend some time in this new story. WITHOUT the thought. How does it feel different? (P.S. – it doesn’t have to feel different. )

When I realize that my story might be false, I experience this overwhelming sense of peace. I might even say, “I get another chance to figure this one out”.

How do you live your life when you innocently believe that thought (the thought that we now know may just as easily be false)?

How do you view yourself when this thought appears? How do you view others in your story?

For me, I notice that I shrink. Everything about me tries to go inward and disappear. I’m not interested in others, either.

Stick to your truth. It is so much easier.

It can be a great relief to realize: “I DON’T KNOW.”

Namaste 🙏

Mind Benders — no. 1

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Find A Loop-hole Into The Secrets Of the Unconscious Mind

Exercise no. 1

  • I. Write down everything that bothers you about someone you know.
  • Be petty! (These thoughts are for your eyes only).
  • What about this person upsets you?

    • How would you characterize this person?

  • How should s/he change?
      • Now — simply put your writing aside.

    What you are about to learn is two-fold.

    1. That we actually have no power over anyone else, period .

    2. The place we have power is in becoming our true selves.

    Notice that it was our own mind that chose the words we wrote down about another.

    If we reverse the spotlight now, we can open our awareness to the unconscious mind , thereby learning a great deal about ourselves.

    I want to caution you though — This “window” into the unconscious tends to cause an myriad of responses from the ego: “it’s not me…”,

    … But if you know anything about our “shadow figures“, you know that, once understood , they no longer act as monsters. We only need to meet them with understanding.

    So this exercise is, at first, a leap of faith. Yet, I promise you, after a few discoveries, we become friends with these mistaken monsters, and can actually learn to respect them in assisting your own personal growth.

    II. Find a time in your day when you can spend a moment with yourself. Get as relaxed, mentally, physically, and emotionally, as you can.

    • Read the paper you wrote about the person you are upset with.
    • Shift the pronouns. YOU becomes ME, and vice-versa.
    • Sit with this new idea. Can you find the truth in it?

    EXAMPLE

    Me and The Old Hag Archetype

    When I was going through my divorce, with 6 year old twins, I sometimes felt such anger and even had visions of violence: like ripping up old love letters that I found while trying to box up His verses My personal stuff. These feelings, which felt overwhelming during each episode, were entirely foreign to me. I didn’t want to claim this “ugly, horrible” side of myself — if it even was myself…. (but seriously, who else could it be?)

    So I researched the Old Hag Archetype.
    “She is the figure in myth of the evil woman who is capable of stealing peace from the innocent. In each historical portrayal, she is uniquely terrifying and at the same time, remains a universal symbol of woman’s unconquerable power.She is thought to arise during traumatic events or severe disruptions in life.”
    Well, that made sense. My divorce was very traumatic to me – my “Perfect Life” was in shambles and I was so-so afraid of the future I would have to endure.

    Somehow I needed the strength she represented, to move forward despite my fears. She said, “Don’t cross me! I’ll kick your a@!”

    Yet, my best bet was to be-friend her… to “use” her so I wouldn’t collapse in it all. I needed, however to keep her in check.

    “I hate my ex” becomes “I hate me” … ? … for failing my family.

    Ok. That makes sense. … but, can I forgive me, too?

    “I need to destroy my idea that we had a good marriage” became, “I need to embrace my idea that we had a good marriage, but it’s over.”

    I felt calmed by that statement. At least it wasn’t unusual, right? Many people decide that they don’t want to stay in stagnant lives, even though it was, at one time, thriving.

    So I invite you to try this exercise. Let me know how it goes!