How to Stop Suffering

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Imagine having the power to never experience suffering.

A modern day Guru of mine, Byron Katie, put it like this:

“I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts about myself, about others, and about life, I suffered, I was truly insane. And when I questioned my stressful thoughts, I didn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

So all I have to do —- is be okay with it… Right? No – please keep reading.

The Buddha said that Life is full of suffering, but that there is a cure — one aspects of the cure is right thinking.

Here’s the good news – Your pain means you are arguing with the truth.

There are many different paths to peace. This method challenges your thinking and beliefs. By discovering the truth, you will end your own suffering.

Many people feel uneasy about examining their inner selves, fearing that learning the truth may somehow hurt them.

However, I have a secret…

The truth is always kind.

If what you find isn’t kind, then you haven’t found the truth yet.

Byron Katie says suffering is optional.

“Stress is optional. Suffering is optional. This is the most amazing piece of good news that ever came my way, and it found me when I was in the depths of despair.” ~ Byron Katie

Here is an example of the choice to not suffer:

Let’s say you become aware that you’re feeling down. You respectfully check in with your thought process and hear,

“She doesn’t love, value, or care about me, and that hurts.”

So all I have to do —- is be okay with that. Right?

No. Not so fast. Besides — don’t you know by now that denial only works for a little while?

Let’s be gentle about our inquiry.

Ask yourself. Be honest – how do you know?

Is it true or is this your internal story about how love should look? Are you blinding yourself to what is in front of you because of some story in your mind — possibly born from a romance movie?

Many of us have an internal video of what we would do in various future situations. In this case, show love. Chances are pretty good that your internal VIDEO will be markedly different than mine.

How would you be, in this moment, with that person without the thought?:

“She doesn’t love, value, or care about me, and that hurts.”

Spend some time in this new story. WITHOUT the thought. How does it feel different? (P.S. – it doesn’t have to feel different. )

When I realize that my story might be false, I experience this overwhelming sense of peace. I might even say, “I get another chance to figure this one out”.

How do you live your life when you innocently believe that thought (the thought that we now know may just as easily be false)?

How do you view yourself when this thought appears? How do you view others in your story?

For me, I notice that I shrink. Everything about me tries to go inward and disappear. I’m not interested in others, either.

Stick to your truth. It is so much easier.

It can be a great relief to realize: “I DON’T KNOW.”

Namaste 🙏

Getting Clear With the Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh

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I know I could use a reminder of what really matters…

We do our best when we remember that we are all connected… Let’s remember to look at our judgements with some detachment, and dare to ask ourselves, “Is It True?”

The Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh developed the “Fourteen Precepts of Engaged Buddhism” in the mid-1960’s, during a time when the Vietnam War was escalating and the teachings of the Buddha were desperately needed to combat the hatred, violence, and divisiveness enveloping his country.

Today, there are thousands worldwide who regularly recite the Fourteen Precepts of Engaged Buddhism which remain uniquely applicable to contemporary moral dilemmas. These are guidelines for anyone wishing to live mindfully.

“By developing peace and serenity through ethical and conscientious living, we can help our society make the transition from one based on greed and consumerism to one in which thoughtfulness and compassionate action are of the deepest value.”. – Fred Eppsteiner

 The Fourteen Precepts of Engaged Buddhism

  1. Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist systems of thought are guiding methods — they are not absolute truths.
  2. Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice nonattachment in order to be open and able to hear others’ viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout your entire life and to observe how things actually exist – in yourself and in the world at all times.
  3. Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.
  4. Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes to suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering. Awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.
  5. Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of your life to profit, accumulate wealth or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need.
  6. Do not maintain anger or hatred. Learn to penetrate and transform harsh feelings while they are still seeds in your consciousness. As soon as they arise, turn your attention to your breath in order to see and understand the nature of your hatred.
  7. Do not lose yourself in distractions and in your surroundings. Practice mindful breathing to come back to what is happening in the present moment. Be in touch with what is wondrous, refreshing, and healing — both inside and around you. Plant seeds of joy, peace, and understanding in yourself in order to facilitate the work of transformation in the depths of your consciousness.
  8. Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.
  9. Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that cause division and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things of which you are not sure. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety.
  10. Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or transform your community into a political party. A religious community, however, should take a clear stand against oppression and injustice and should strive to change the situation without engaging in particular conflicts.
  11. Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to live. Select a vocation that helps realize your ideals of compassion.
  12. Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and prevent war.
  13. Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others, but prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on Earth.
  14. Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only an instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of the Way. (For brothers and sisters who are not monks and nuns:) Sexual expression should not take place without love and commitment. In sexual relationships, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

Question — Which of these will help you right now?

Edited from “Interbeing: Fourteen Guidelines for Engaged Buddhism”