3 Tips for Developing Self-Compassion!


Practicing Self-Love

Self-love, or compassion, involves treating yourself kindly, especially in the face of setbacks and disappointments. Learn to say to yourself: “This is really difficult right now. How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”

Self-compassion involves self-kindness through recognizing  that all human beings are imperfect and make mistakes. Don’t scold yourself in a way that you would never do to another human being!

The following are three ways to help you begin to shift from self-criticism to the practice self-compassion.

1.  Start to pay attention to your inner-dialogue.

The first step in any behavioral change is to develop an awareness of the behavior itself. Begin paying attention to the things that you frequently say to yourself. Write them down for greater clarity.

Choose  a time during the week when you experienced a strong emotion. Write down the specific thoughts you were having. What were your judgements about yourself?

2.  Practice  speaking kindly to yourself.

People will  say things to themselves that they would never say to someone they love. Practice speaking kindly and gently to yourself. especially during times of stress or when you have made a mistake. If you are struggling to be kind, try looking at a photo of yourself  as a child. Try to think about how you would respond to a child or loved one who was struggling or having a difficult time.

3.   Create a list of ways for you to self-care.

Learn relaxation strategies. Schedule self-care into your calendar. “What would feel nourishing or calming to me in this moment?”.

 

 

Listen to What Your Soul Has to Say About That

 Worth reading from off the web ~
'When I first started my blog, and before I linked it to this page, I showed only a small handful of people and they were strictly sworn to secrecy. </p><br />
<p>And then I allowed a few more people to find out. And a couple more and then I just kind of let go of who was going to read what I wrote. </p><br />
<p>But the next phase was hard. I was so sensitive about what people would think of my writing. Would I get those mean trolly comments? Why did my Likes just go from 100 to 99? No focus in that moment on the 99 people who stayed - I wanted to know about the one who left. </p><br />
<p>It's a Thing, expressing ourselves. Whether we have a blog or write books or give talks or just speak our truth and make a stand for love in the post office queue. It's a Thing. </p><br />
<p>And it's a Thing because this stuff has deep roots. Roots into our childhood - and all the ways we learnt to fit in, to go under the radar, or to stand out, or to keep peace, or to help others - all the many ways we learn to get loved rather than rejected. </p><br />
<p>I think it's unrealistic (for the majority of us) to think that we will ever reach a point in our development where it simply does not bother us at all what others think of us. </p><br />
<p>But we can deepen into a love of truth - and even the smallest inkling of who we really are - that becomes more important than what others think of us. And it doesn't mean we won't get our feelings hurt every now and again or we won't get offended. We might still even obsess over that one person who unsubscribed from our blog. But when truth is more important, we will weather those storms and learn those lessons and process them properly so that we bounce back stronger each time. </p><br />
<p>I do think that's possible. And it's also totally necessary if we want to live authentic, loving lives. We need to find a way to listen to what our soul has to say and see ourselves from that perspective as much as we can so that we can show up authentically and in a real, loving way. </p><br />
<p>And if this is an area that is tough for you, really, take my hand. Because when we join together, we can stand for love and speak our truth and keep it real. And we are all needed. Only you can say what you want to say in the way you say it. Never mind that others have a larger audience (there will always, always be someone with a larger audience by the way) - the important thing is to be authentic, to show up, to join in the conversation. </p><br />
<p>And because we are only ever really talking to ourselves anyway (with others listening in), what really matters is that we speak our truth as clearly as we can. </p><br />
<p><3'

I think it’s unrealistic (for the majority of us) to think that we will ever reach a point in our development where it simply does not bother us at all what others think of us.

But we can deepen into a love of truth – and even the smallest inkling of who we really are – that becomes more important than what others think of us. And it doesn’t mean we won’t get our feelings hurt every now and again or we won’t get offended. We might still even obsess over that one person who was unkind. But when truth is more important, we will  weather those storms and learn those lessons and process them properly so that we bounce back stronger each time.

I do think that’s possible. And it’s also totally necessary if we want to live authentic, loving lives. We need to find a way to listen to what our soul has to say and see ourselves from that perspective as much as we can so that we can show up authentically and in a real, loving way.

And if this is an area that is tough for you, take my hand. Because when we join together, we can stand for love and speak our truth and keep it real. And we are all needed. Only you can say what you want to say in the way you want to say it.  The important thing is to be authentic, to show up, to join in the conversation.

And because we are only ever really talking to ourselves anyway (with others listening in), what really matters is that we speak our truth as clearly as we can.

Hollie Holden – Notes on Living & Loving

 

If You Could See Yourself the Way I do…

Mirror
“You have no idea how hard I’ve looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What’s the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the ocean.
Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient.
It’s no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.
So I’ve brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me. “
~ Rumi

 

6 Steps to Healing your Inner Child

Our past is a story existing only in our minds.

Look, analyze, understand, and forgive.

Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it.

~Marianne Williamson

 

ChildWith in

Marianne Williamson offers sage advice. John Bradshaw, author of Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Childtells how it’s done when the history we’d like to chuck is too deeply ingrained… Our childhood wounds.

1. Trust

For your wounded inner child to come out of hiding, he must be able to trust that you will be there for him. Your inner child also needs a supportive, non-shaming ally to validate his abandonment, neglect, abuse, and enmeshment. Those are the first essential elements in original pain work.

2. Validation

If you’re still inclined to minimize and/or rationalize the ways in which you were shamed, ignored, or used to take care of your parents, you need  to accept the fact that these things truly wounded your soul. Your parents weren’t bad, they were just wounded kids themselves.

3. Shock & Anger

It’s okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unintentional. In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. You don’t need to get outraged or “hate” those responsible for hurting you. But it’s appropriate to be mad about not getting what you needed and deserved at the critical times during your childhood. The consequences have reverberated through your life.

Part of your anger can also be expressed as a contract with yourself to be responsible and stop whatever ways you are continuing to act out the abuse –  with ourselves and others: “I will not tolerate dysfunction and abuse, like that which dominated my family system, in my ongoing life.” (See About core issues )

4. Sadness

After anger comes hurt and sadness. If you were victimized, you must grieve the fact that you were betrayed. We must also grieve what might’ve been– your dreams and aspirations. You must grieve your unfulfilled developmental needs: “It’s sad you (inner child) didn’t get to play in sports or join the acting groups because mom and dad didn’t give you the time and encouragement”.

5. Remorse

In grieving childhood abandonment (and all childhood wounds can be seen as abandonment), you must help your wounded inner child see that there was nothing S/HE could’ve done differently. And, there is nothing the adult you could have done differently before now – before your awareness of the inner child: “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you…. I didn’t know you existed”.

6. Loneliness

The deepest core feelings of grief are toxic shame and loneliness. We experienced shame because our caretakers abandoned us. We think it was our fault and so feel we are bad – as if we’re contaminated – and that shame leads to loneliness. Since our inner child feels flawed and defective, s/he had to cover it up by developing an adapted, false self. The true self was alone and isolated. “I offer you (inner child) unconditional love”.

In embracing our shame and loneliness, we begin to experience our true self.