Mindfulness And Day to Day Life

Worth reading from off the web!

Serenity
Serenity

When we hear about the importance of being in the present moment, the “now”, and hear that it is the only truth, newbies can feel quite inadequate!

This makes a great deal of sense to me. Oftentimes, I find myself distracted by thought about the future. Or, I replay past experiences in my mind, often unproductively.Being in the moment frees us to experience life more fully, which is a good thing. But might this edict have a shadow side? Like any rule or declaration, it has limitations and is prone to misunderstanding.

Discursive thinking — going around in circles with our thoughts — does not get us far. We often haphazardly stray from one thought to another; the chain of association may keep us spinning our wheels without gaining traction.

Self-critical thoughts are also common ways that we stray from the present moment. We may be operating from core beliefs that we’re not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough. We may notice self-talk such as, “What’s wrong with me?” or “That comment was dumb,” or “When will I ever find a good relationship?”

Meditation and mindfulness practices may offers instructions to simply notice our thoughts. The practice of “mental noting,” perhaps saying quietly to ourselves, “thinking, thinking,” may guide our attention away from unhelpful thoughts and back to the breath, our body, and the present moment.

Rather than being plagued by self-critical thoughts, we might labor under a pall of shame — a sense of feeling defective or unworthy. Unhealed shame keeps us lost in a haze, preventing us from being present with people and life.

Honoring Our Thoughts and Feelings

Being distracted by our thoughts doesn’t mean they’re always unproductive. There may be times when we need to think something through — perhaps a business decision, retirement planning, or how to communicate our feelings and desires to our partner. Meditation teacher Jason Siff offers this refreshing take on meditation:

I see clinging to experiences and elaborating on them, or thinking about them, as being quite natural and nothing to be alarmed about. . . . I have heard many reports of meditation sittings where someone has written an article, composed a piece of music, planned an art project, or redecorated her house, and it was actually very productive and efficient to be doing this in meditation.

Sometimes we need to allow some spaciousness around our feelings so that they have a chance to settle. Rather than hurl an angry or blaming remark and thinking we are living in the moment, we benefit from reflecting on our deeper, truer feelings. There may be sadness, fear, or shame beneath our initial anger. Can we allow ourselves to be in the moment in a way where we allow our deeper feelings to emerge? Noticing and sharing our authentic feelings connects us with ourselves in a way that can connect more intimately with others.

Spiritually-inclined people often overlook the importance of being with feelings that are arising in the moment. If we think that being in the moment means regarding feelings as distractions, then we’re no longer in the moment. Trying to be somewhere we’re not takes us away from the moment. Mindfulness is the practice of being present with what is, not trying to be in a different moment.

For some people, the edict to be in the present moment may be a subtle way to avoid uncomfortable feelings. As soon as an unpleasant emotion arises, they may try to yank their attention back to their breath in an attempt to be in the moment. But then they never get to the root of their feelings, which will keep recurring.

Just as a hurting child will clamor for attention until heard, our feelings need attention. When welcomed and listened to in a gentle, caring way, they tend to pass. We are then freed to be in a new moment, now freed of the subtle pull of unattended and troubling emotions.

“Being in the moment” can be a helpful reminder if we understand it in a more expansive way. It can remind us to be more mindful of wherever we happen to be. When emotions, thoughts, or desires are arising within, we can notice them, be gentle with them, and allow them to be just as they are. We live with more inner peace as we make room for the full range of our human experience.

What do you think?🤔

3 Steps to Mastering Self-Love

Self-love, or compassion, involves treating yourself kindly, especially in the face of setbacks and disappointments.

Learn to say to yourself: “This is really difficult right now. How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”

Self-compassion involves recognizing that all human beings are imperfect and that means we will make mistakes. — Don’t scold yourself in a way that you would never do to another human being!

The following are three ways to help you begin to shift from self-criticism to the practice self-compassion.

1.  Pay attention to your inner-dialogue.

The first step in any behavioral change is to develop an awareness of the behavior itself. Begin paying attention to the things you frequently say to yourself. Write them down for greater clarity. (Don’t worry — this is for your eyes only!)

Choose  a time during the week when you experienced a strong emotion. Write down the specific thoughts you were having and your judgements about yourself.

2.  Practice  speaking kindly to yourself.

People will  say things to themselves that they would never say to someone they loved! Practice speaking kindly and gently to yourself, especially during times of stress or when you have made a mistake. If you are struggling to be kind, try looking at a photo of yourself  as a child. Try to think about how you would respond to a child or loved one who was struggling or having a difficult time.

3.   Create a list of ways for you to self-care.

Learn relaxation strategies. Schedule self-care into your calendar. “What would feel nourishing or calming to me in this moment?”.

self-reflection via journaling

Many people have told me that they have a hard time doing something for themselves, that it feels selfish or egocentric. But the fact is, we need to listen to ourselves before we can listen effectively to others.

 

3 Tips for Developing Self-Compassion!


Practicing Self-Love

Self-love, or compassion, involves treating yourself kindly, especially in the face of setbacks and disappointments. Learn to say to yourself: “This is really difficult right now. How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”

Self-compassion involves self-kindness through recognizing  that all human beings are imperfect and make mistakes. Don’t scold yourself in a way that you would never do to another human being!

The following are three ways to help you begin to shift from self-criticism to the practice self-compassion.

1.  Start to pay attention to your inner-dialogue.

The first step in any behavioral change is to develop an awareness of the behavior itself. Begin paying attention to the things that you frequently say to yourself. Write them down for greater clarity.

Choose  a time during the week when you experienced a strong emotion. Write down the specific thoughts you were having. What were your judgements about yourself?

2.  Practice  speaking kindly to yourself.

People will  say things to themselves that they would never say to someone they love. Practice speaking kindly and gently to yourself. especially during times of stress or when you have made a mistake. If you are struggling to be kind, try looking at a photo of yourself  as a child. Try to think about how you would respond to a child or loved one who was struggling or having a difficult time.

3.   Create a list of ways for you to self-care.

Learn relaxation strategies. Schedule self-care into your calendar. “What would feel nourishing or calming to me in this moment?”.

 

 

Listen to What Your Soul Has to Say About That

 Worth reading from off the web ~
'When I first started my blog, and before I linked it to this page, I showed only a small handful of people and they were strictly sworn to secrecy. </p><br />
<p>And then I allowed a few more people to find out. And a couple more and then I just kind of let go of who was going to read what I wrote. </p><br />
<p>But the next phase was hard. I was so sensitive about what people would think of my writing. Would I get those mean trolly comments? Why did my Likes just go from 100 to 99? No focus in that moment on the 99 people who stayed - I wanted to know about the one who left. </p><br />
<p>It's a Thing, expressing ourselves. Whether we have a blog or write books or give talks or just speak our truth and make a stand for love in the post office queue. It's a Thing. </p><br />
<p>And it's a Thing because this stuff has deep roots. Roots into our childhood - and all the ways we learnt to fit in, to go under the radar, or to stand out, or to keep peace, or to help others - all the many ways we learn to get loved rather than rejected. </p><br />
<p>I think it's unrealistic (for the majority of us) to think that we will ever reach a point in our development where it simply does not bother us at all what others think of us. </p><br />
<p>But we can deepen into a love of truth - and even the smallest inkling of who we really are - that becomes more important than what others think of us. And it doesn't mean we won't get our feelings hurt every now and again or we won't get offended. We might still even obsess over that one person who unsubscribed from our blog. But when truth is more important, we will weather those storms and learn those lessons and process them properly so that we bounce back stronger each time. </p><br />
<p>I do think that's possible. And it's also totally necessary if we want to live authentic, loving lives. We need to find a way to listen to what our soul has to say and see ourselves from that perspective as much as we can so that we can show up authentically and in a real, loving way. </p><br />
<p>And if this is an area that is tough for you, really, take my hand. Because when we join together, we can stand for love and speak our truth and keep it real. And we are all needed. Only you can say what you want to say in the way you say it. Never mind that others have a larger audience (there will always, always be someone with a larger audience by the way) - the important thing is to be authentic, to show up, to join in the conversation. </p><br />
<p>And because we are only ever really talking to ourselves anyway (with others listening in), what really matters is that we speak our truth as clearly as we can. </p><br />
<p><3'

I think it’s unrealistic (for the majority of us) to think that we will ever reach a point in our development where it simply does not bother us at all what others think of us.

But we can deepen into a love of truth – and even the smallest inkling of who we really are – that becomes more important than what others think of us. And it doesn’t mean we won’t get our feelings hurt every now and again or we won’t get offended. We might still even obsess over that one person who was unkind. But when truth is more important, we will  weather those storms and learn those lessons and process them properly so that we bounce back stronger each time.

I do think that’s possible. And it’s also totally necessary if we want to live authentic, loving lives. We need to find a way to listen to what our soul has to say and see ourselves from that perspective as much as we can so that we can show up authentically and in a real, loving way.

And if this is an area that is tough for you, take my hand. Because when we join together, we can stand for love and speak our truth and keep it real. And we are all needed. Only you can say what you want to say in the way you want to say it.  The important thing is to be authentic, to show up, to join in the conversation.

And because we are only ever really talking to ourselves anyway (with others listening in), what really matters is that we speak our truth as clearly as we can.

Hollie Holden – Notes on Living & Loving