Why do people seek therapy?

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Everything you wanted to know about therapy but were afraid to askcouchYou’re bound to have the wrong idea about therapy if you’ve never been. And you’re not alone. But for starters, it’s not about being sick, being crazy, weak, or self-obsessed.

Therapy helps with the problems of living through  collaboration with a trained professional.

People pursue therapy for a variety of reasons, but typically  for the common everyday issues  of living that are causing distress – things they haven’t found answers for through other means. Psychotherapy  may come in the form of support, information, guidance, self-understanding, or a safe place to learn and practice new skills.

Many people believe that the support of a good friend can substitute for therapy. While social support is important for everyone,therapy is very different from relationships with friends and family.  For one thing, therapists are highly trained professionals who’ve spent years learning and practicing how to  treat cognitive, emotional, behavioral and relationship issues.

Secondly, social relationships are reciprocal – friends go back and forth discussing each other’s issues. Also, with friends you’re more likely to censor yourself, either because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or portray yourself or others in a bad light.

And, lastly, therapy is confidential. Therapists are legally mandated secret-keepers.And finally, when you’re in therapy, you can share that same issue in a safe environment, uncensored, where the focus is entirely on you.

People seek therapy for:

Self-Exploration: Some people come to therapy to gain a deeper understanding of self. They want to know why they do what they do, why they feel what they feel and determine how much control they have over those areas.

Support in Coping: Loss is a common reason for people to seek therapy. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive place for people to talk about grief, the end of a relationship or job, abuse issues, or any change in life circumstances that cause distress.

Help alleviating anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion.

Learning new coping skills like better communication for dealing with conflict and frustration, managing emotions, or mindfulness.

Learning a process for overcoming pain, working through loss, and adding meaning to your life.

If you would like to change your life, therapy is a good way to do it. Get suggestions from friends, or do some on-line research!

Next topic –  Questions to ask a therapy-candidate before you go.

6 Steps to Healing your Inner Child

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Our past is a story existing only in our minds.

Look, analyze, understand, and forgive.

Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it.

~Marianne Williamson

 

ChildWith in

Marianne Williamson offers sage advice. John Bradshaw, author of Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, tells how it’s done when the history we’d like to chuck is too deeply ingrained… Our childhood wounds.

1. Trust

For your wounded inner child to come out of hiding, he must be able to trust that you will be there for him. Your inner child also needs a supportive, non-shaming ally to validate his abandonment, neglect, abuse, and enmeshment. Those are the first essential elements in original pain work.

2. Validation

If you’re still inclined to minimize and/or rationalize the ways in which you were shamed, ignored, or used to take care of your parents, you need  to accept the fact that these things truly wounded your soul. Your parents weren’t bad, they were just wounded kids themselves.

3. Shock & Anger

It’s okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unintentional. In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. You don’t need to get outraged or “hate” those responsible for hurting you. But it’s appropriate to be mad about not getting what you needed and deserved at the critical times during your childhood. The consequences have reverberated through your life.

Part of your anger can also be expressed as a contract with yourself to be responsible and stop whatever ways you are continuing to act out the abuse –  with ourselves and others: “I will not tolerate dysfunction and abuse, like that which dominated my family system, in my ongoing life.” (See About core issues )

4. Sadness

After anger comes hurt and sadness. If you were victimized, you must grieve the fact that you were betrayed. We must also grieve what might’ve been– your dreams and aspirations. You must grieve your unfulfilled developmental needs: “It’s sad you (inner child) didn’t get to play in sports or join the acting groups because mom and dad didn’t give you the time and encouragement”.

5. Remorse

In grieving childhood abandonment (and all childhood wounds can be seen as abandonment), you must help your wounded inner child see that there was nothing S/HE could’ve done differently. And, there is nothing the adult you could have done differently before now – before your awareness of the inner child: “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you…. I didn’t know you existed”.

6. Loneliness

The deepest core feelings of grief are toxic shame and loneliness. We experienced shame because our caretakers abandoned us. We think it was our fault and so feel we are bad – as if we’re contaminated – and that shame leads to loneliness. Since our inner child feels flawed and defective, s/he had to cover it up by developing an adapted, false self. The true self was alone and isolated. “I offer you (inner child) unconditional love”.

In embracing our shame and loneliness, we begin to experience our true self.