Why do people seek therapy?

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Everything you wanted to know about therapy but were afraid to askcouchYou’re bound to have the wrong idea about therapy if you’ve never been. And you’re not alone. But for starters, it’s not about being sick, being crazy, weak, or self-obsessed.

Therapy helps with the problems of living through  collaboration with a trained professional.

People pursue therapy for a variety of reasons, but typically  for the common everyday issues  of living that are causing distress – things they haven’t found answers for through other means. Psychotherapy  may come in the form of support, information, guidance, self-understanding, or a safe place to learn and practice new skills.

Many people believe that the support of a good friend can substitute for therapy. While social support is important for everyone,therapy is very different from relationships with friends and family.  For one thing, therapists are highly trained professionals who’ve spent years learning and practicing how to  treat cognitive, emotional, behavioral and relationship issues.

Secondly, social relationships are reciprocal – friends go back and forth discussing each other’s issues. Also, with friends you’re more likely to censor yourself, either because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or portray yourself or others in a bad light.

And, lastly, therapy is confidential. Therapists are legally mandated secret-keepers.And finally, when you’re in therapy, you can share that same issue in a safe environment, uncensored, where the focus is entirely on you.

People seek therapy for:

Self-Exploration: Some people come to therapy to gain a deeper understanding of self. They want to know why they do what they do, why they feel what they feel and determine how much control they have over those areas.

Support in Coping: Loss is a common reason for people to seek therapy. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive place for people to talk about grief, the end of a relationship or job, abuse issues, or any change in life circumstances that cause distress.

Help alleviating anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion.

Learning new coping skills like better communication for dealing with conflict and frustration, managing emotions, or mindfulness.

Learning a process for overcoming pain, working through loss, and adding meaning to your life.

If you would like to change your life, therapy is a good way to do it. Get suggestions from friends, or do some on-line research!

Next topic –  Questions to ask a therapy-candidate before you go.

You Can Say Anything!

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Communication Skills using the Awareness Wheel

I remember reading somewhere that the average person has about 3000 thoughts per minute, along with the corresponding emotions, expectations, and conclusions. I don’t know how they came up with 3000, but lets assume it’s true – That’s a lot of stuff going on! If you want to be clear and congruent in your communications, its essential that you slow this process down. You have to learn how to check in with yourself.

One of the tools I use with my clients in therapy is (aptly called) The Awareness Wheel. Once mastered, it helps the user understand their experiences (awareness), and, if desired, communicate clearly to someone else.

 

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Each experience can be broken down into the following five categories:

Sensing or the Facts- what you have seen or heard. They are behavior descriptions, as if seen from a video camera, without evaluation or ascribing meaning.

Thinking – what you tell yourself the facts mean. They are the interpretations, beliefs, conclusions, or stories you tell yourself about what is going on.

Feelings or Emotions – Keep it simple: Happy, sad, mad, or afraid.

Wants or intentions – What you think will fix the problem.

Doing or Actions – What you actually do.

…••°••…••§°§…••°••…••§°§…••°••…••§°§…••°••…••§°§…••°••…

Becoming a better communicator

• Perception Check: This is my guess, am I accurate? Sometimes it is a good idea to test, clarify and alter your interpretations by moving back and forth between the sensory data and your interpretations.

A common problem in relationships that often occurs is the result of confusing FACTS with interpretations about what is happening. Our interpretations generate emotions, and we can be caught up in our anger or hurt because our interpretation is different than our partners. The model helps you to clarify interpretations and emotions by going back to the original sensory data (what you saw, heard or felt) and checking each other’s interpretations. You may or may not get to agreement on the sensory data or the interpretations, but it’s helpful to know what each of you is thinking and perceiving.

• Use Responsible “I” Statements  

 Speaking as though we know the “other’s” intentions, feelings, or thoughts is offensive. By using “I” statements, we show that we are speaking responsibly about something we should be an authority about – ourselves!

 •Reflective Listening or “Mirroring”

Reflective listening consists of slowing the conversation down, while assuring your focus is on being a good listener and not your defense! After a sentence or two, you, the Listener, repeat back in your own words what you think your partner is saying. You then ask if you heard them accurately and completely. You keep trying this until your partner says, “Yes, I feel understood.” Then you switch, and you say a few sentences to your partner, and they repeat what they heard back to you.

Exercises using the Awareness Wheel: 

1. Get to know yourself. Journal regularly about your experiences using the Awareness Wheel. Learn the difference between FACTS (what you have seen or heard); THOUGHTS (interpretations/ stories I tell myself about the Facts)); EMOTIONS (body-feelings – Happy Sad Mad Afraid); WANTS (goals or intentions – what you think will fix the problem) and the ACTION taken. Keep in simple.

2. Do your Actions reflect your Wants? Reviewing one of your written Awareness Wheels, notice if your ACTIONS matched what you said you wanted. If not, what got in the way of you acting in a way that may have gotten you what you wanted? Hint: other beliefs or wants? Write a few ideas of other possible ways you could have handled it (future).

3.Practice expressing your Awareness Wheel, through writing first, to another person. Remember to use responsible “I” statements. Ask yourself: *** “How can I say this in a way that the OTHER person is most likely to hear me?”

For example:

“When _(Facts)_   I thought    (Thought/Belief)    and I felt  (Emotion)  . What I’d like is  (Request/Want). What do you think?” (invites sharing)

Or:

“I feel _(Emotion)  when you _(Facts)_ because  (Thought/Belief)  , and I want _(Request/Want)_. What do you think?”

Practice, Practice, Practice! Now,  you can say anything!