Letting Go and Moving On

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Worth Reading – from off the web – very sweet!

by Luminita D. Saviuc

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.” ~ Stephen King

One of the hardest things in life is to let go of the people we love the most.

We hold on to those close to us so tightly, fearing that without them we will be nothing. Fearing that without them the love we feel in our hearts will be forever lost.

Our attachment interferes with the love we have for them, taking away from the purity and the beauty that love has to offer.

Deepak Chopra says it best with these words:

“Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you. Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires. Love imposes no demands. Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand – “Make me feel whole.” Love expands beyond the limits of two people. Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.”

I have been in a relationship with my former long-time boyfriend for almost 10 years, on and off and even though our relationship became very toxic after the first 3 years, I found it impossible to let go simply because I knew that without him I would be very unhappy and the irony is that I was already very unhappy, we both were.

Letting go doesn’t have to be that hard, in fact, it becomes easier and easier as we learn to accept, appreciate and love ourselves for who we are and for who we are not.

Releasing and letting go will help you return to a place of peace and tranquility.

There comes a time in our lives when we have to do what’s right and to honor not only ourselves, but also the people around us. It’s the relationship that you are letting go of but not the love you have for the other person.

If you love something, if you love someone, and if you feel that you need to let go of them, if it’s required to let go, do it. It might hurt at first but once the pain is gone you will feel more alive than you have ever felt. You will start to see things from a totally different perspective and you will understand that letting go is a sign of strength, of courage and of great love.

You let go of someone not because you no longer care, not because you no longer need and want them in your life, but because you understand that they will be happier someplace else. You will be happy someplace else.

This is what true love is all about.

Real love transcends the material plane and no matter if your bodies are apart, your souls will forever be connected.

If you haven’t found a way to be at peace with yourself, and if you haven’t found a way to be happy on your own, chances are that you won’t be happy next to the person you love either. You can’t expect to get from others what you yourself don’t have to offer.

Love yourself. Be good to yourself.

Change the thoughts you think and the words you speak. Purify your internal dialogue. Learn to talk to, and about, yourself in the same way you would talk to, and about, those you love the most.

Meditate. Spend time alone. Take a walk and explore nature with your senses. Write about your thoughts and feelings. Do something you’re passionate about. Go out with your friends. Laugh, dance, be silly, be weird, be playful, be childlike. Do all the things that bring you joy and laughter.

Treat yourself with kindness, love and compassion and learn to express your gratitude for the many gifts life offered you up until this moment.

Take your focus away from those things that cause you to feel pain, stress, anxiety, fear and unhappiness, on to those things that make your heart sing, onto those things that make you happy.

This too shall pass and the more you learn to enjoy your own company, the more comfortable you will be with this idea of letting go and all of a sudden life will become a lot easier.

Let go and trust that maybe life has better plans for you. Go with the flow and not against it.

“Be like the forces of nature: when it blows, there is only wind; when it rains, there is only rain; when the clouds pass, the sun shines through.” ~ Tao Te Ching

Why hold on to something good when life wants you to have something better?

Are you holding on to something or someone you need to let go of? Why? What keeps  you from letting go? You can share your comments below.

Original – http://www.purposefairy.com/67487/how-to-let-go-of-people-who-no-longer-need-or-want-to-be-in-your-life/

5 Steps to Forgiveness In Any Relationship

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Unresolved conflict in any relationship does more than just hurt your feelings. We start becoming blocked in communication, building unconscious walls between us. The spontaneity is forsaken and time together eventually can become, well, dull. What you “let slide” just may do you in over time. Here are some steps that will keep the relationship safe from built up resentments or overly cautious communications.
Couple-Disagree

Step 1: Know What the Issue Is About

It’s common to have hurt feelings and be disappointed – but not know exactly what it’s all about. You must take the time to figure out what happened. Write the answers to the following questions to get clarity.

What happened?  What did you hear or see happen that led to the upset? These are the facts.

What does it mean to you?  Write about what the behavior means to you. This is where we interpret, draw conclusions, or tell ourselves a story about the other’s actions. This is your perception.

How does it make you feel?  When you think ______ do you feel angry? Hurt or sad? Are you afraid of losing something, or afraid of what the behavior might mean?

What would you like to change?  Try to get clear about what it is you want to be different. If its minor, you can formulate a request. If the situation is more serious (He burns dinner when he drinks too much, she spends too much money so bills can’t get paid), then you have to take more serious measures. For situations like this, I recommend therapy. Go with or without your partner, and you will learn how to take care of yourself until he or she has better self-control.

Step 2: Know How to Approach the Other – Explaining it from your perspective.

One way to be sure to make it worse is to tell the other how you feel as though it were FACT. Why? People become defensive when you assume to know what’s going on for them. And how can you? All you can know is your own perspective. The way you word it is more important then you probably think.  If someone who cares about you has hurt you, he or she probably doesn’t understand how you feel.

Try writing down your experience using “I” statements to practice how to say it in a clear, respectful manner.

Practice with the sentence-structures here:

“I felt  ____________ when you ______________________ because I think it means _____________ . I’d like it if you __(request)__.”

Or:

“When you ______________ I thought ___________ and felt __________.  I want you to ___________.”

 

Two-people-talking-1024x1024When you feel clear, you are ready to talk. You will probably feel some anxiety about talking, and it will be less so someday. But for now, accept that you will be somewhat anxious. Do it anyway!

Step 3: Know The Other’s Version of What Happened

It’s important to understand how the other person saw the situation. This also keeps the discussion on a more respectful level, with both of you discussing the problem rather than one person accusing and the other defending.

You may learn that s/he had a completely different take on the situation. When this happens, the solution can be that you have just learned more about the other, and s/he knows and understands more about you. The result is often an increased sense of closeness and compassion.

Step 4: Know You Have a Solution to the Problem

“Okay – So what are we going to do about this?”

If the issue isn’t resolved by understanding each other, then you need to emphasize what you’d like to see change. Remember that it is worth the time it takes, because it will prevent this from becoming a recurring problem. If someone is very hurt, or very defensive, it may take a few discussions to resolve this problem. If you can’t solve it together after a few tries, seek the help of a counselor. You are worth it.

Step 5:  Be Sure Your Forgiveness Is Real

Forgiveness does not mean the other’s behavior was okay. It means you understand because you recognize that all of us are fallible human beings. The good news is that you are willing to do what is necessary to fix the problems, and then forgive each other.

This can be as simple as looking into each other’s eyes and saying “I forgive you.” What’s important is that you communicate that the air is cleared, the hurt forgiven, and the problem is over. You won’t be able to do that honestly if you haven’t done the previous steps.

When both of you take responsibility for fixing these misunderstandings and/or mistakes in the relationship, your trust in each other will grow, and where trust grows, so does love.