Please Don’t Give Up Drinking. Start Living Instead!

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Worth reading from off the web – a very refreshing perspective on sobriety. By 
alcohol
I don’t like it when I hear people talking about “giving up” drinking.

I don’t like it because it doesn’t really work.

It’s not about sacrifice. The very term “giving up” alcohol implies sacrifice. Nobody “gives up” drinking, the same way nobody gives up at a traffic light when it turns red. You just stop. Stop Drinking. Stop. It’s not even an action is it? It’s cessation of action. It’s switching focus. Replacing the old action of drinking with other new actions.

Giving up does more than simply imply that we have stopped a course of action. It infers that there is no more action to come. And that is where we are going about recovery in a horribly wrong way. From a massively flawed premise. “I’ve given up drinking so my life is over” versus “I’ve stopped drinking so therefore I’m deliberately starting to live”.

And It is an important distinction. Because if we feel like we’ve given up something wonderful, the next feeling is that our life will not be as good as everyone else’s – those lucky ones who get to still participate in something we have denied ourselves, we will develop feelings of resentment and entitlement. “Now that I’ve decided to stop messing my life up with drinking, the world should give me a break. Be nice to me.” That we are suffering and should be rewarded for our gallantry.

It won’t happen. It can’t happen. Because it isn’t true. This realization can be very disappointing. And that disappointment just brings a bigger sense of lack and emptiness. Until giving up on giving up seems the only available option. A very easily excused and readily justified option too. And so back to drinking we go. Relapse in full swing, ready to begin that vicious cycle again. And again.

Unless we die. There’s your stop. Or is dying too strong a word? Would we prefer “giving up” living?

HappynSoberRecovery is not a sacrifice. It is empowering. An exciting and wonderful journey. The most amazing thing a person can do for themselves.

And I never expected it. Never knew it could feel like this. Certainly nobody told me it could be this way.

Alcoholics waste years on drinking. On being anesthetized by our drug of choice.

We’ve missed so much of life. All of us. Recovery does not have to be about missing out on even more by spending our new sober life either commiserating with other people who also think they are missing out, or by spending it shut away from the world out of fear. Fear that our self-discipline is not strong enough to fight the need to drink. More mistaken thinking. Nothing about being recovered needs to be about lack.

My heart breaks for people who have felt the need to “battle” with sobriety. Whether they have lost the battle and gone back to drinking like the 80% we are so often told do. Or whether they continue to battle-like the elusive 5% who stay in recovery but still feel vulnerable to relapse, or bereft without alcohol. Never feeling fully free and really, truly alive – when it is so very easy to do so!

I do believe being recovered is beautiful. And permanent. I do believe we can all have it. Easily. Joyfully. Comfortably. I believe in a world where recovered people are happy. I think we all deserve it. And I think it starts with something as simple as the words we use. Giving up nothing. Choosing more.

Choosing a life of passion. Of reaching beyond everything we’ve ever assumed was possible. A miraculous life filled with inspiration. With love, fulfilment. To me that’s what recovery is. And who wouldn’t want live in a place like that?

Home… Finally.

Follow Carrie Armstrong on Twitter: www.twitter.com/CarrieArmstrng

What are you stuffing?

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hamsterStuff

“New Weight-Loss Trick Revealed!”

 Do something for me – will you? Close your eyes and slowly bring a few fingers from your non-dominant hand to your lips, and gently touch. Leave them there for a few seconds. 

The very first emotionally soothing act since leaving the womb was touching your lips and tasting nourishment. Our initial experience also taught us to “marry” eating and emotional soothing. It’s an imprint that continues to sooth us throughout life.

And what about pacifiers? They cleverly distract us from our needs, thus creating another mouth/anticipation-that-your-needs-will-be-met coupling. But I’ll get into addictions another time.

If you struggle with weight chances are you are unconsciously stuffing your feelings. You are trying to gratify a need or want that you don’t know how to get met otherwise. When you begin to understand what prompts you to use food as a way to fulfill other needs, you journey into a deeper, more respectful place within yourself. Rather than instantly changing your relationship with food through a new diet (which you may know doesn’t last), get to know yourself.

Are you stuffing anger? Learn about Assertiveness. Not only do you have a right to your opinions, wants and feelings, you have a right to express them. Are you avoiding a decision? The belief that one wrong move can mean a disaster can be paralyzing. Learn how to accept the possibility of making a mistake. I find that most are repairable. Do you feel a need for control? Over what? Is it true that you need this? Maybe you need to learn about authentic responsibility. Pick up some tips from a book about Codependency.

I strongly recommend journaling to better understand yourself. Meet yourself. Listen with compassion. Then get objective. The solution is there.

Therapy can be instrumental, in fact, it can be invaluable. We often need a witness other than ourselves to delve into the unknown aspects of Self. Get the help you deserve, privately and confidentially.

The “secret new weight-loss trick”is finding ways to better satisfy all your hungers — physical and emotional.