“Good To Be Alive Today” 

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Amazing video… Click the link, then read the lyrics HERE

It’s Good To Be Alive Today!

“Everyday I wake up and turn my phone on. I  read the news of the day, just as it’s coming down.  I do my best not to let it get me down.  I try to keep my head up, but it’s  Babylon.  This world’s in crisis, we try to fight it, this changing climate.  The scientists and politicians divided by it.  So many ways we could solve it but they would never sign it.   This mountains tumbling down, but still we try to climb it. 

It’s in the Torah, Quran and in the Bible:   

Love is the message. 

It’s come to people always picking up their rifles.   Another school getting shot up – it’s homicidal. 

Some people trying to fly, some people trying to get high. Some people losing their mind, some people trying to get by.   And when you look in my eyes, you see the sign of the times.   We’re all looking for the same thing. 

But what if this song’s number one… Would it mean that love had won? Would it mean that the world was saved?   And no guns are being drawn today?

What if everybody had a job?

And nobody had to break a law?

What if everyone could say…

“That it’s good to be alive today
Oh, Is it good to be alive today…    Oh… Is it good to be alive today.

People used to feel safer when they would hear a siren.   Like help is on its way but now they only think of violence. Another youth in the streets and police are in a conflict.   And now they hear the guns click.Ebola crisis and ISIS is taking heads off.     A drone is bombing a village and now the kids all signing up to be soldiers, all willing now to do the killing now, now are you willing now?

Some politicians out there making up some problems,   and trying to tell the people that they can solve them. 

With TV shows and soundbites and quotes.  But everybody knows that it’s all about the cash flow. 

They telling you and me, they’re making progress.   But tell it to the millions of jobless. 

It’s like a players club with billions of dollars.  to get the votes you got to make it rain in congress. 

Some people trying to fly, some people trying to get high

Some people losing their mind, some people trying to get by

And when you look in my eyes, you see the sign of the times

We’re all looking for the same thing…

But what if this song’s number one

Would it mean that love had won?

Would it mean that the world was saved?

And no guns are being drawn today?

What if everybody had a job?

And nobody had to break a law?

What if everyone could say

That it’s good to be alive today

Oh… Is it good to be alive today.

And we all say: One day, we all will say
That it’s good to be alive today

One day, one day

One day, one day

One day, we all will say

That it’s good to be alive today”

https://vimeo.com/168031157

Recognizing and Changing an Abusive Relationship

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Worth reading from off the web!

womanInDespairPXfreeThere are three essential elements to an abusive relationship:

1.  Consistent occurrences of power and control over another

2.  Chronic feelings and displays of disrespect

3.  Unhealthy attachment mistaken for love

Abusers are highly deceptive and the victim, as well as others, have no idea that he is being abusive at all.  He purposefully undermines his victim’s individuality and confidence by dominating conversations and suppressing her identity, making her into a mere object for his purposes. He minimizes anything about her, including her opinions, accomplishments, concerns, feelings, or desires.  This causes her to do the same and she learns to minimize herself as well.

Abuse and respect are polar opposites

He has a chronic attitude of disrespect towards his partner.  A respectful relationship is not abusive and an abusive relationship does not contain respect. An abuser views his partner as his property, which allows him to feel powerful and in charge.

It is essential for an abuser to feel this way because he has a fragile ego and delicate sense of self. Without feeling more powerful than his partner he feels weak and vulnerable. Feeling any sense of vulnerability taps into his sense of powerlessness which he is unwilling to experience for any reason. As long as he sees himself in the “one up” position his fragile ego is kept at bay.

Abuse is caused by the belief system of the abuser. The abuser has developed a deeply ingrained sense of superiority and entitlement which does not go away by learning how to manage anger or resolve conflicts. Abusers use anger to control. They engage in conflicts to abuse their partner; show their superiority; and keep intimacy away. Since intimacy requires vulnerability, a feeling abusers avoid at all costs, they have no interest in developing such closeness.

Abuse is not the same as conflict. A conflict involves a difference of opinion. Abuse involves the need for the abuser to stifle the feelings, thoughts, opinions, and values of the abused. An abuser refuses to accept any accountability or responsibility for any of the problems in the relationship. His hallmark attitude is one of superiority and blame. It is not the conflict that is the problem. The abuser caused the conflict in the first place. There can be no resolution.

There is no way to “approach their partner appropriately,” or “pick the right time to address something.”

Abusers can choose any reason to blame his victim for an abusive incident. Abusers abuse because they choose to. It is the abusive mindset that allows them to abuse for a number of reasons:

(1) They are unhappy and they don’t know what to do with their emotions.

(2) They dump their rage and shame on others.

(3) They may have a narcissistic or anti-social personality disorders.

(4) They feel in control, powerful, strong, and superior, which helps them keep all weak, needy, and vulnerable emotions hidden.

(5) Some people abuse because they were taught this as children and operate out of this inner working relationship dynamic.

Whether abuse is physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, financial, spiritual, or some rendition of all of these, there are some basic components of abuse; these are: blame, criticism, neglect, oppression, minimization, rigidity, ridicule, lies, invalidation, lack of accountability, no remorse, no apologies, repeated name calling, double standards, violence, and a consistent lack of empathy.

Realize that abuse, like addiction, is a chronic “disease” that progresses with time, meaning it only gets worse.

Can an abuser be cured?

Of course anything is possible.

Here are the signs that an abuser is changing:

  • he is willing to be accountable to his spouse and others;
  •  he is willing to never have a sense of entitlement in any relationship, for any reason,
  •  he shows self-reflection and insight;
  • he stops blaming others or minimizing, justifying, or rationalizing his own attitudes and behaviors;
  • he listens to and validates others, including his spouse;
  • while he is never going to be perfect, when he messes up, he apologizes, shows insight into what he did wrong, shows remorse, and changes.

 

Abusers in recovery are just like alcoholics in recovery

Alcoholics can never even have one drink ever again in order to maintain sobriety. Abusers can’t be like “normal” people who may be rude or disrespectful at times. Recovery for an abuser needs to be different from what comes natural for the partner. Coddling an abuser and showing him empathy only exacerbates his entitlement. Recovery for an abuser requires that he does not allow himself to ever be rude, disrespectful, entitled, or invalidating ever again. Instead, he is humble and compassionate at all times. No excuses.

About Sharie Stines, Psy.D

Sharie Stines, Psy.D. is a recovery expert specializing in personality disorders, complex trauma and helping people overcome damage caused to their lives by addictions, abuse, trauma and dysfunctional relationships. Sharie is a counselor at LIfeline Counseling & Education Inc., in Whittier, California (www.lifelinecounseling.org).

Edited for readability   Source: Recognizing and Changing an Abusive Relationship | The Recovery Expert