Why Knowing Yourself Helps All of Your Relationships

Posted on by

identityMapOne goal common to many types of psychotherapy  is to learn about yourself… who you are – your inner self and your outer self  – at present and how you got there.

Yet knowing yourself may be one of the hardest tasks you’ll ever attempt.For many of us, a myriad of obstacles spring up when we attempt it.

If you tend to be intellectual or philosophical,  you might get mired in questions such as: “Who is the me/self that is assessing the me/self?”

If you tend to be emotional, you might get bogged down in less-than-positive emotions around the issue.

If you are more likely to be spiritual, questions such as “Why am I here” or “Why was I created” can sometimes stymie self-knowledge.

But knowing yourself is important to all your relationships, helping you fine tune your sense of humanness. One aspect of Self is how you “take in” the world – how you experience life. (Check out the MBTI personality test for more about this)

Parents and Kids

Effective parents, for example, know themselves. Self-awareness without self-centeredness, is an important ingredient in any relationship but essential to healthy parenting.

In order to deeply understand what your child needs, to really “get” where your child is coming from, and how he experiences the world around him, it’s essential that you know who you are: what makes you tick, what brings you down, what uplifts you, what turns you off.

When we know who we are, we are more open to seeing beyond the surface in others.
But in order to understand who we are, we have to take the time to do so. By learning more about who you are and how you feel about yourself, your child, and life in general, you’ll be able to interact more effectively—and lovingly—with your child. (The Parent-Child Dance: A Guide to Help You Understand and Shape Your Child’s Behavior)

Work 

You have to know what makes you tick in order to find satisfying work. You also need to have an appreciation of what makes others tick in order to create satisfying work relationships. This can be on the smaller scale, for example, you don’t need to know everything about that person in another department who you meet once a month, but knowing the person you are teaming with on a project can be vital.

The best time to pay attention and really listen to your coworkers is during get-togethers after work.You may see a sense of humor you’ve never noticed before, or learn about the personal pressures they are under. Carry your knowledge through to your work relationship so you can be supportive, as well as tap into their talents and interests.

Friendships and Personal Relationships

Sometimes we can be a little obsessed with having our own needs met. And sometimes we can push our own needs to the background, so much so that we forget who we are. Striking that balance requires paying attention and learning all the ways in which you cope, deflect, or deny.

Knowing yourself doesn’t mean that you cannot change yourself. You have to know yourself well enough to sense whether change will enrich your relationships, emotional well-being, and life in general.

Article Source

Why Knowing Yourself Helps All Your Relationships | Therapy Soup– 

 

Taking Hold of Your Mind(fulness)

Posted on by

Mindfulness Practice

Tools from off the web!BeingPresent

 

OBSERVE

· JUST NOTICE THE EXPERIENCE. Notice without getting caught in the experience. Experience without reacting to your experience.

· Have a “TEFLON MIND,” letting experiences, feelings, and thoughts come into your mind and slip right out.

· CONTROL your attention, but not what you see. Push away nothing. Cling to nothing.

· Be like a guard at the palace gate, ALERT to every thought, feeling, and action that comes through the gate of your mind.

· Step inside yourself and observe. WATCH your thoughts coming and going, like clouds in the sky. Notice each feeling, rising and falling, like waves in the ocean. Notice exactly what you are doing.

· Notice what comes through your SENSES – your eyes, ears, nose, skin, tongue. See others’ actions and expressions. “Smell the roses.”

 DESCRIBE

· PUT WORDS ON THE EXPERIENCE. When a feeling or thought arises, or you do something, acknowledge it. For example, say in your mind, “Sadness has just enveloped me.” . . . or

….”Stomach muscles tightening”, or . . . “A thought, ‘I can’t do this’ , has come into my mind.”

or,

… “walking, step, step, step . . .. “

· PUT EXPERIENCES INTO WORDS. Describe to yourself what is happening. Put a name on your feelings. Call a thought just a thought, a feeling just a feeling. Don’t get caught in content.

 PARTICIPATE

· Enter into your experiences. Let yourself get involved in the moment, letting go of ruminating.

BECOME ONE WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE, COMPLETELY FORGETTING YOURSELF

· ACT INTUITIVELY from wise-mind. Do just what is needed in each situation – a skillful dancer on the dance floor, one with the music and your partner, neither willful nor sitting on your hands.

· Actively PRACTICE your skills as you learn them until they become part of you, where you use them without self-consciousness.

PRACTICE:

I. Changing harmful situations.

2. Changing your harmful reactions to situations.

3. Accepting yourself and the situation as they are.

see original:

Taking Hold of Your Mind: “What” Skills.